A common weakness among all storytellers – screenwriters and novelists as well as marketers and presenters – is the tendency to summarize.
When you write or tell a story, you are creating a movie in the mind of your readers or audiences. As they hear about your characters’ lives and actions, they create mental images of what your characters look like, where they are, and what they’re doing.
The more vivid those images, the more captivating and persuasive your story.
This means that the more detailed you are in describing settings and characters and action, the easier it will be for your readers and listeners to see the “movie” they’re watching, and the more emotionally involved they will be.
Consider the setup of your story. You must introduce your hero living her everyday life, stuck in some way, dealing with some kind of conflict that will increase our empathy for her. How can you make that setting, character and action more specific and visible?
Let’s suppose you want to introduce your hero when she is struggling to get by. So you open by saying, “Doreen is a single mom who has just suffered a financial setback.”
If you’re a screenwriter and your script begins this way, you’ve already broken a cardinal rule: never tell the reader anything the audience won’t know by watching your movie. You are only allowed to provide information and exposition using action, description and dialogue.
But even if you’re a novelist, or speaker, or marketer, this is a weak opening. Yes, you’ve given us an idea of who your hero is, and even created a bit of empathy. But the picture we get of Doreen is fuzzy and vague, because this introduction summarizes her situation.
But imagine introducing that same hero by saying:
“Doreen is sitting in her bathrobe in the kitchen of her tiny, one bedroom apartment. The rickety card table in front of her is loaded with stacks of unopened envelopes.
“As her two young daughters eat yet another meal of Spaghetti-Os, she desperately tries to figure out which bills have to be paid right away, and which can be put off for another month.”
Aren’t you immediately more involved with this woman? Feeling sorrier for her? Worrying more about her? Caring more about her?
Surprisingly, the more specific and vivid the portrait of your hero’s life (even if our own lives hardly resemble your hero’s at all), the more universal your hero becomes. But the more generalized your description, the less we will identify with that character.
Consider this passage from Drew Goddard’s brilliant screenplay for THE MARTIAN. Astronaut Mark Watney’s airlock has just experienced a leak, and the instant depressurization has blown his Hab apart and sent the airlock, with Mark inside, hurtling through the air….
INT/EXT. AIRLOCK – DUSK
WHAM! The airlock hits the hillside – Mark’s body slams into the wall – his faceplate shatters – the airlock FLIPS and TUMBLES down the hill. Mark is tossed around inside like a ragdoll in a washing machine.
The airlock rolls another fifteen meters…
And comes to a stop.
INT. AIRLOCK – DUSK
Panicked breaths. Ringing ears.
Mark struggles to stay conscious. His head bleeding. Jesus Christ. What just happened?
He looks through the window. Sees the collapsed Hab. The debris of ruined equipment scattering the field between them.
Psssssshhhhhhh…
Mark wipes the blood from his brow, rolls to his knees. Struggles out of his suit. Checks his wounds. He’s alive.
Psssssshhhhhhh…
What the hell is that sound?
Air.
The airlock is leaking.
Drew Goddard could have simply written, “Mark’s airlock flies through the air, and when it crashes to the ground he hears an air leak.” But imagine how summarizing the scene that way would destroy all of its emotional impact.
We don’t just see images; we experience them. The more vivid your description and action, the more powerful your writing will be.
Excellent suggestions. As a writer and member of a critique group, I often read a summarizing sentence after the action has already been described which is unnecessary in my opinion.
Great article. I’m looking forward to your class this weekend.
This is extremely helpful. You are right, Michael. This is the tendency of many writers, and your examples for more vivid descriptions are excellent ones. I am going to share this with my Writer’s Group tonight.
Excellent post–great example!
Great example – thank you!
Michael, this is why I keep reading your words of wisdom. You’ve presented a new perspective on the importance of flavoring your scene with details – as long as they’re the RIGHT details. Going forward, I will work with this concept in my presentations and coaching. Thank you for a fresh point-of-view on this important topic.
“As her two young daughters eat yet another meal of Spaghetti-Os…”
Show us the empty cans in the kitchen wastebasket..
“…she desperately tries to figure out which bills have to be paid right away, and which can be put off for another month.”
Show her making four stacks: Overdue, Second Notice, Final Notice, and Final Final Notice.
JG – These are excellent details to improve what I wrote. The four stacks of bills would be better for a screenplay than what I wrote, because I was breaking my own rule a bit in describing her thoughts (though I figured it mostly conveyed an expression on her face, so it was somewhat visible). But the stacks of bills would be seen on the screen by the audience, and they convey the same idea in a more vivid way. Thanks!
– Michael
Thank you Michael. Your focus on details create a heart connection to the story and I like it.
Thank you. I’m giving a. If talk this weekend and this was a powerful example. Brianrobinsonspeaks
Great post demonstrating the importance of details.
@sheilamgood at Cow Pasture Chronicles
Thanks to you all for your kind comments and support. Glad you enjoyed the article!
Michael,
How do you walk the fine line as a screenwriter between having too much description and action to doing as you suggest in your article; having detailed description and action?
I’ve been told by several working screenwriters to not include any exposition and description. To just write the action and keep it at a minimum. The spec script example I’ve been given is BABYSITTER by Brian Duffield. It’s an easy read for Readers.
John – Thanks for your question. It’s the basis of my entire article “No More Description!” You’ll see my responses there.
– Michael
I’m really looking forward to your workshop in Australia in August for the RWA Adelaide conference. Discovering the filmic view in novel writing has given me a real ah ha moment. Come on down!!!
Thanks – see you there!
Great advice! Thank you
Great article! But I really struggle with recurring advice I hear re writing in a spare, elegant style (ie Anna KarenIna is described only as beautiful and able to see in the dark like a cat, etc.) How do we reconcile these conflicting examples? I would appreciate any advice in this regard. Thanks!
Susan –
Thanks – glad you liked the article. I’ve gotten so many replies, and so many questions like yours, that I’ll be doing a follow up very soon.
– Michael
Love your articles and advise. So well written. Thank you!!
Dianne – Thanks! Great to hear from you again.
– Michael
Thanks Michael: For confirming my method of writing my novelas, based upon my screenwriting studies. I create scenes; “Late in, and Early out”. No chapters, with a straight through flow of necessary visual description, action and dialogue to move the story, and create the desired image on the “movie screen” in the readers minds.
Best… Warren.
Wow, I need to work on this, lol. Thanks for the advice, Michael. Outstanding, as always.
Thanks, Chris!
– michael
Michael
I first learned about you from Jeff Arch, just to give you an idea how out of touch I really am. You are by far the most articulate and well presented screenwriting coach I have read, and look forward to taking one of your seminars when you’re in LA.
My comments are in line with many others. I heard Drew speak and know his background.I also have read and studied Steve Zaillian style, and they contrast at times, yet both are effective. So to repeat past comments, where do you draw the line? It seems that depending on who the agent, or reader, or producer or whomever is reading your script, they’re frame of reference comes from the last book/seminar/lecture they went to, and I have actually heard the exact opposite advice you’ve given, although there is no question yours works!
It seems it would almost make more sense to study the person who’s reading the script and know how they respond to style, and write accordingly! Thanks for your continued contribution to good teaching and wrting!
Great post, Michael. How does one know how much detail to include? As I must include a lot of information into my weekly, 800-word column, I am in the habit of writing very tightly…….but now that has changed with the ‘novel’ I am writing…….
-Holly
HOLLY –
Great to hear from you!
My rule of thumb is no more than three specific details that convey the essence of a character, a setting that is reflective of that character or sets a mood. For action, it’s more about being vivid and matching the pace and tone of the story. Notice how short the paragraphs were in THE MARTIAN – often just a single sentence, or even a single word – which gave it a fast, dramatic pace.
Hope that helps.
Michael
Thank you Michael for this article. I’m with you…if the video in my head isn’t rolling…watching the scene play out then I may put the book down. Don’t give me just the facts…give me a story I can see and feel.
Cool – thanks!
– Michael
Michael – great post! Lately, we’ve been discussing strategies for using storytelling in sales. Your comments about avoiding summaries are very helpful and worth consideration for every B2B sales professional. Thanks for your work.